Red, White, and Blue, a Red vs. Blue fanfiction. Tags: Self Insert, Scifi, Humor, Drama. Chapter One: Fun and Games Jackson Army Space Port on Reach was a hive of constant activity, what with Pelicans and other types of ships constantly landing and taking flight bearing troops and cargo to Who-Knows-Where, while the ground was alive with vehicles, and people doing military stuff. I had just finished training, and was waiting in a line to get directions to my destination. "Private White reporting for duty, sir," I said to the sergeant when I got to the front of the line, while also standing at attention. "At ease, Private," replied the sergeant, who then held up his hands. "Orders?" I passed an envelope to him, which he opened and read carefully. "Your flight is in Row 14, column 22," Said the Sergeant eventually. "It takes off at 1445 hours. It is transporting one other Private, and cargo. Here is a map with the location circled. Got all that?" "Yes sir," I replied swiftly. "You're dismissed," said the sergeant dismissively. I nodded and walked pass him into the spaceport proper. While my flight was half a mile away, I managed to get there quickly, as I was wearing what seemed to be a normal human version of the Mjolnir armor, which everyone was wearing, even the sergeant. The normal human version of the Mjolnir armor was called the Gungnir armor, named after the spear of Odin. My armor's color was a dark gray, cause I preferred darker colors, and apparently it was my choice. I figured that this must be some sort of AU of the Halo verse, as I didn't remember normal people wearing armor like this in the games. Given that there was only one other person being shipped out with me, I imagined that I was going to some sort of remote base that only needed a few people manning it. I was 20 and it was the 25th​ year of The Great War, the war between the UNSC and the Covenant. I knew that I was probably going to die in this war, but I wasn't too concerned, as I had died once before. Interestingly, once you've died once, death loses its mystery. I arrived at the flight point to find the Pilot loading some boxes into the holding rack that was under the dorsal section of the ship. "Private White reporting for duty, sir," I said when I entered the flight point, standing at attention. "Private White?" asked the Pilot, turning around. "Oh, you're the other passenger. I don't out rank you, Private, so you may stand at ease." "Thank you… um," I replied. "Jones," the Pilot replied, "Call me Jones." "Ok," I said, before gesturing at the tank. "Need help with the cargo?" "Not really. Go ahead and get on board," Jones replied dismissively. "The other passenger is already there." "Thanks, I will go introduce myself then," I said as I passed him. Climbing on board the Pelican, I noticed the other passenger sitting in the passenger compartment, who happened to be wearing very blue armor. "Hello," I said in a friendly manner, holding up my hand. "I'm Private William White, what's your name?" He looked up at me, then shook my hand. "Nice to meet you," He replied. "I'm Private Michael J. Caboose." It was a good thing I was wearing my helmet, as it hid my shock. Wait, the Michael J. Caboose? Did that mean that I was in the Red Vs. Blue universe? Was I actually going to Blood Gulch? If so… well, at least that meant I… probably… wouldn't be dying anytime soon. Maybe. Possibly. Hopefully. I sat down across from Caboose and a few minutes later Jones got onboard himself, and the pelican took off. Eventually we hooked up with another ship, and Caboose and I were lead to what looked like the Team Blue Cryobay, where we were lined up next to a bunch of other Blue Soldiers in front of a row of Cryotubes, with a row of suit lockers behind us. A few minutes later, after a few more Blues had arrived, another Sargent arrived. “Good morning, men,” the Sargent said. “You’ll be entering an extended cryosleep for the next 5 weeks, so make sure you get cleaned up good. I don’t want any complaints about freezer burn when you wake up, got it?” “Sir, yes sir,” We chorused. “Good men,” the Sargent nodded. “Now, your tube is the one directly across from you, and your locker is the one directly behind you. Make sure you remember the number. Now, get out of those suits and go get cleaned!” “Sir, yes sir,” we chorused again, and with that we all turned around and made to take off the suits, before heading into the nearby shower. Showering before entering Cryosleep was standard procedure, as any dirt or dead skin could cause blistering while in Cryosleep. After I had finished washing, I stepped into the nearby drying room. The drying room was just a small square room that blew warm air over you like a hand dryer. You didn’t want to go into Cryosleep all wet either cause it could cause the same blistering effect. Once I was fully dry, I stepped back out to the Cryobay and walked up to my Cryotube, before opening it up. I was the first one to be finished with showering. “Looking sharp, Private,” the Sargent said. “Do you need help with the Cryotube?” I shook my head. “No, Sargent.” “Alright, then,” the Sargent replied. “Just remember your training and you’ll be fine.” I nodded, and then stepped into the Cryotube. I laid back, the tube closed on it’s own, and a moment later, I felt pinpricks as a needles from the back of the Cryotube were inserted into my back. A moment later I felt a chill as they injected Cytoprethaline into my bloodstream. Cytoprethaline was a drug that would prevent ice crystals from forming in my body during cryosleep. Turning to regard a computer display that hung on a robotic arm from the top of the tube, I checked the scanners that were tracking the progress of the Cytoprethaline as it passed through my bloodstream. I had to make sure my body was completely suffused with the stuff before entering Cryosleep, or I would risk dying. Once my body was completely suffused, I picked up a mask that was hanging from the top, and placed it on my face. As I inhaled with the mask on my face, I felt the strange sensation of bronchial surfactant coating the inside of my lungs. It felt like drowning, but worse, as I could still inhale air, so each breath became heavier and heavier… And suddenly I was waking up from cryosleep five weeks later. As this was the first time I’d done long term Cryosleep (having only done Cryosleep for a few days at a time in training), for a moment I was confused as to where I was. A dull red light pierced my eyelids, and I found myself pulling off the mask and stumbling out of the Cryotube, before getting down on my hands and knees on the floor, and coughing until a stream of clear but viscous liquid flowed out of my lungs and onto the floor. Once it was out, I took my first real breath for the first time in five weeks. Blearily, I opened my eyes and looked around. It appeared that everyone in the Cryobay had woken up at the same time, as there were rows of other men and women on the floor, coughing and spewing bronchial surfactant. I sighed before making my way to the shower to wash off the cryogell. A few minutes later I was all cleaned up and back in my suit, standing before the row of Cryotubes with Caboose standing next to me, chattering away with a nearby private. About half an hour later, the Sargent came back and started calling names, with those called lining up on front of him. He would then lead them away before coming back and calling more names. I assumed that they were all getting sent off to various simulation sites, so part of me was worried that I would be called without Caboose, and that I would be sent off to another simulation site that wasn’t Bloodgulch, so I was relieved every time the Sargent left without calling up me or Caboose, but somewhat annoyed that I still had to listen to his inane chatter. Eventually, Caboose and I were the only ones left in the room, which I took as a sign that yes, I was indeed going to Blood Gulch, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully, I knew what was coming, and knew who was going to be involved, so I'd be able to anticipate any moves people made before they made them. Survival seemed likely. A painful death, hopefully avoidable. Eventually the Sargent returned. “Well, come on, you two,” He said, and we made to follow him out of the Cryobay. He lead us to a different Pelican, this time in a docking bay, where a different pilot was checking over a very old and beat up tank that was sitting under the dorsal section of the ship. Caboose choose that moment to annoy the pilot with his inane chatter, so I took that as my cue to get on board. Eventually the pilot managed to convince Caboose to get on board himself and stop bothering them, so a moment later I was joined by him in the passenger compartment. "Isn't this exciting? We're finally gonna be deployed!" Caboose said excitedly as he strapped himself in. "I wonder what our teammates will be like?" "I bet the first thing they'll say to you is 'shut up'," I muttered under my breath. "What?" Caboose asked curiously. "Didn't catch that." "Uh, nothing," I shrugged nervously. "I hope they aren't full military type hardasses. I hate those kinds of people, they're always getting on my case about being lazy." "Yeah, me too," Caboose agreed blithely. He was prevented from speaking further by the pilot, who was finished loading up the tank, so now it was time to fly down to the planet. It was a short but bumpy trip, and as I looked out a nearby viewing port, I noticed that we seemed to be heading towards an island. Blood Gulch was on an island? Huh, go figure. Eventually we arrived, landing a few short meters to the east of Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, and the pilot promptly kicked us out and detached the tank with little fanfare. A few moments later, Church and Tucker came out of Blue Base and started admiring the tank, completely ignoring us. After a few minutes of lingering silence, Caboose worked up the nerve to speak up: "So I said to the guy 'how are you gonna get the tank down to the planet?' and he goes, 'I'll just put it on the ship', and I go, 'if you got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead'-" "Hey, kid," Tucker suddenly interrupted, turning to Caboose. "Yeah?" "You're ruining the moment. Shut up." "Oh," said Caboose, a bit surprised. "Ok! You got it, man!" "You know what?" said Church, in a tone of awe. "I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing." "Well, maybe not the whole world," I commented. "Perhaps a few small bits of it at a time." "Kid," said Tucker, turning to me. "Ruining. The moment." "Oh Right, sorry." I rolled my eyes. They admired the tank some more, and the minutes dragged on. I was temped to make a point of checking my watch to see how they'd react, but then remembered that I didn't have one. "You know what," Tucker eventually spoke up, turning to Church. "Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks apiece." "Oh, man," Church groaned. "Listen to you. What are you going to do with two chicks?" "Church, women are like Voltron," replied Tucker with an air of describing something to a child. "The more you can hook up, the better it gets." "Somehow, I get the feeling that you don't know how female anatomy works," I commented wryly. "Oh yeah?" asked Tucker. "How many chicks have you had?" "Uh, Zero," I shrugged. "Then what the fuck do you know about female anatomy?" "A hell of a lot more than you, if you're comparing woman to Voltron," I replied sarcastically. "Nerd." "Dick," Tucker muttered. "So, yeah," Church spoke up a moment later. "I'll let you guys in on a little secret. I've, uh, I've actually got a girl back home." "Oh yeah?" asked Tucker curiously. "Girlfriend or Wife?" "No, man," replied Church casually, "She's just… my girlfriend. We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out and – – Ah, you know how it works." "Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?" asked Tucker. "I'm not going to get married," Caboose suddenly interrupted. "My dad always said, 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'." "Hey rookie," said Church in an angry tone as he walked towards him. "Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?" "No, I think he called her a slut!" said Tucker in a disbelieving tone. "No, he said that his dad called your girlfriend a slut. Or cow," I corrected. "along with all other females in existence. You know, just to clarify." "I'll tell you what, noob," Church growled angrily at Caboose. "I can sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do." "Great," Caboose replied morosely. "See, we've got this General," Church started explaining. "Right, the General guy," said Tucker, playing along. "Who likes to come by and make random inspections of the bases," continued Church. "so what I'm going to have you do… is I'm going to have you go in the base and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by." "When is he coming by?" Caboose asked curiously. "We never know," Tucker replied. "Could be today, could be weeks from now." "You want me to stand at attention for a week?" asked Caboose in confusion. "You know, you don't sound very grateful," said Church loftily. "This is the most important job at the whole base! You're going to be right there with the Flag!" "What's so important about the Flag?" he asked dubiously. "Oh, come on," said Church in exasperation. "Don't they teach you guys anything in training?" "They didn't tell us anything about a flag," Caboose replied doubtfully. "Why is it so important?" "Oh, you must have missed that class in basic," I replied cheerfully. "You see, the flag is the most important thing in the base because if we lose it, the Reds win." "Win what?" asked Caboose. "What do they win?" "Uh, the war, dumbass," said Tucker. "Why do they win the war if they get our flag?" "Because it's the flag, man," said Church exasperatedly. "You know, it's the—it's the Flag! It's— Tucker, you tell him why." "Well, Its--" said Tucker uncertainly. "It's complicated. Its blue, we're blue--" "It's just important, ok? Trust us." Church insisted. "So when the General stops by, the first thing he's going to do is want to do is inspect the Flag." "Right," said Tucker. "So, just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him," said Church with a shooing motion of his hand. Caboose turned and started walking down to the base, but when he got to the entry way he turned around. "Uh, how will I know when I see him?" he called. "There's only four of us out here, rookie," Tucker called back. "He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us." "Now get in there, and don't come back out!" barked Church angrily, before turning to Tucker. "Man, that guy is dumber than you are." "You mean he's dumber than you are," Tucker replied wryly. "Wow, Tucker," Church replied in the most sarcastic voice he could manage. "Great come back." They turned back to admiring the tank. After after a few seconds, Church turned to me. "Ok, um… other Rookie," he said, perhaps grateful that I had helped him. "Whats your deal?" "I'm Private William White," I replied. "I guess you can call me White." "Ok… White," said Tucker. "You got anyone waiting for you at home?" "Oh, you mean like… a significant other?" I asked curiously. "Yeah, sure. Whatever floats your boat," Church shrugged. "Well, I'd tell you, but…" I said hesitantly. "I think… I think that would violate the… uh… Don't Ask, Don't Tell… protocol." "Wait, you're Gay?" asked Tucker in surprise. "Um, yeah," I replied slowly. "For the record, you asked." "Great," said Church, face palming. "So we're stuck with an idiot, and a fag." "You got something against gay people?" I asked, a bit annoyed. "Uh… no," Church backtracked quickly. "You sure?" "Yeah." "Wait, if you're gay," said Tucker slowly. "Does that mean you're going to be talking about, like, Gay stuff?" "What kind of Gay stuff?" I asked curiously. "You know," he replied. "No, I don't know," "You know, like, girly stuff," Tucker said with a hint of disgust. "I'll tell you what," I replied in a serious tone. "If I ever start wearing pink armor, and talking about girly stuff… you have my permission to kill me." "Really?" he asked in surprise. I nodded seriously. Tucker sighed in relief. "Oh good, that's a relief-" "Uh, Mr. Church, sir?" yelled Caboose from the entrance to the base. "Oh my god, WHAT?!" yelled Church back in anger. "Tucker, I swear, I'm going to kill him!" "Sorry about calling your girl a slut," Caboose yelled back contritely. "ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY! GET IN THERE!" Tucker and I laughed. "Tucker, White, are you laughing at me?" asked Church when he turned around. We were prevented from answering by the arrival of Donut. "Excuse me, sir? Can I ask you a question?" He asked Church. "Dear. God. In Heaven, Rookie," Church stated with an air of finality. "If I turn around and you're not inside, I—I can't be held responsible for what I'm going to do to you!" "What did I do?" asked Donut confusedly. "One!" "Oh, give me a break!" "Two!" "Fine!" Donut turned around and ran into the base. I just managed to suppress a snicker. "Ugh," sighed Church, before looking at Tucker. "Well, enough gabbing out of us. Let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker." "Me?" asked Tucker in surprise. "I can't drive that thing!" "You're telling me you're not armor certified?" asked Church in shock. "I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle," Tucker replied confusedly. "Don't you know how to ride that?" "No! Holy Crap, who is running this army?" Tucker turned to me. "What about you, White?" I shrugged. "I mean, I just got out of basic. We didn't exactly get to ride tanks around, there." "Hey!" yelled Caboose from the entrance to the base. "Just wanted to let you know, the General stopped by, and picked up the Flag!" "Yeah, OK! Whatever, moron!" Church yelled over his shoulder, before turning back to us. "Why would they give us a tank if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing?" Beat. "Wait a second, what did he just say?" “He said the General stopped by and picked up the flag,” I pointed out. “Shut up, White!” Church barked at me, before turning to Tucker. “Come on, Tucker, we should find out what that stupid rookie is talking about.” “Right,” Tucker nodded. Five minutes later found the four of us on top of Blue Base, with Church and Tucker standing near the western edge, while Caboose and I stood a few feet behind them. Tucker was scanning the landscape, while Church was chewing out Caboose. "So, let me get this straight," said Church slowly to Caboose, anger leaking into his voice. "You gave this guy our flag." "Is that bad?" asked Caboose. "Bad? Oh no that's not bad," Church replied sarcastically. "Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole god damn base!" I wondered if I should tell them that I had seen Donut, before deciding against it. I didn't feel like being chewed out today. "Hey! Look, there he is!" said Tucker suddenly, pointing in Donuts direction. "Where?" asked Church as he lifted his sniper rifle. "Oh, yeah. Oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs." "He must be one smart son of a bitch!" said Tucker. "Oh, I don't know," I commented. "It seems more likely that Caboose is just stupid." "Hey!" Caboose protested. "Oh shit," Church interrupted. "Hey, Tucker, look at his armor. It's Red." "Oh man!" Tucker complained. "That means it's their Sergeant." "Well, that makes sense," said Church. "At least we know how he got past our defenses." "Uh, you know," Caboose interjected. "He came in from the back door where you guys were standing." "Yeah… we know," I rolled my eyes. "Well, ok," Tucker said to Church. "Well, let's take him out then." "Roger that," said Church, taking aim at Donut. "Ok. Say goodnight, Sarge." He quickly fired four rounds. All of them missed. "Ah, crap," Church said in exasperation as he lowered the Sniper rifle, before turning to find Tucker and I staring at him. "What?" "You're really not very good with that thing, are you?" asked Tucker. Church was prevented from saying anything by Donut yelling at us. "Hey! It's me, don't shoot!" shouted Donut back at us. "I'm the one that bought the Flag, remember?" "Oh, great. Now he's taunting us," said Tucker. "That's just embarrassing." "All right, that's it," Church grunted with anger. "I've had it!" He turned to Caboose. "Rookie, you stay here. Me, Tucker, and White will head through the teleporter, and we'll cut him off at the pass." "Right!" Caboose nodded. Church turned and walked over to the other side of the teleporter, before turning to look at me. "White, you ready?" "You did set it up right, didn't you?" I asked dubiously. "What? What are you talking about?" asked Church in confusion, turning to look at it. "All it has is an on and off button." "You can access the teleporter's control panel through your HUD, remember?" I replied in an instructive tone. "Yeah, I must have missed that class," Church replied sarcastically. "Doesn't matter, you're going through." "Why me, though?" I asked curiously. "Why not Tucker or Caboose?" "Cause you're the rookie, and I want to make sure this thing works properly," Church stated flatly. I stared at him for a long moment. "Wait a minute… is this because I said I was gay?" "What- No!" Church protested sharply. "I don't know dude, it's kinda starting to feel like a gay discriminatory thing-" "No, it has nothing to do with the fact that you're gay," Church interrupted hotly. "It's because you're a rookie… and the fact that you're starting to annoy me." "Well, either way, there is no way I'm going in that thing if you haven't calibrated it properly," I stated mutinously. "Seriously, I could die! We could die! Or worse, come out weird on the other side." "We've already tested it, White," Church growled with annoyance. I gave him a flat look. "Oh yeah? Let me guess… you threw rocks through it." "Yeah, and by the way, they came out the other side," Tucker added snottily. "Did they come out all hot and covered in black stuff?" I asked sharply. "Uh… Yeah. How did you know?" asked Tucker in surprise. "That's a sign of an improperly calibrated teleporter," I observed with annoyance. "There's no way I'm getting in that thing." "White, I'd almost hate to do this to you," said Church as he rose his assault rifle and pointed it at me. I stared at the business end of it. "You sure this isn't the gay thing?" "Will you shut up with that?" Church groaned before giving me a flat look. "You know, I look at it this way: Either A: We go through there and get the flag back-" He indicated the Teleporter. "Or B: we stay here, and I get to kill you," he pointed his gun at my chest. I sighed and face-palmed. "Well when you put it like that… For the record, you're an asshole. Tootles!" I ran though the Teleporter. There was a slight buzzing sound as I passed though the teleporter. I emerged on the other side feeling like my nerves had been lit on fire for a moment, but then sensation turned back to normal. "Jesus!" "Holy Crap!" "What the fuck?!" "Oh, hey," I said, turning around and observing Church, Donut, and Tucker standing nearby. "Looks like you guys got over here before me." "White, is that you?" asked Church curiously. "No, I'm Caboose. Cause, you know, that's real obvious," I said sarcastically. "Yeah, it's definitely him," Tucker grumbled. "Whats with all that black shit on your armor?" asked Church, looking me over. "Didn't we just talk about this?" I asked with annoyance. "I told you that stupid fucking teleporter wasn't calibrated properly! I could have died!" "Ok, ok, I get it!" Church replied grouchily. "You can calibrate the damn thing when this is over." "Yeah, whatever," I rolled my eyes, before turning to Donut. "Why'd you take our flag, asshole?" "What? I have no idea what you're talking about!" exclaimed Donut. "The idiot thought he was buying it from a store, White," Church explained, before turning to Donut. "Ok, dipshit. We've captured you, so you're coming back to base with us as our prisoner. Tucker, go ahead and take the – what in god's name is that music!?" Indeed, we heard polka music coming towards us, and suddenly, the Red's jeep jumped over the hill. "Woo Hoo!" I heard one of the Reds yell. "Run! Run towards the cliff!" yelled Church with fear. We (that is, Church, Tucker, and I) all made haste to do so, and they started firing at us with their machine gun. I guess it was a good thing we all had shields, as they protected us from the gunfire. We took cover behind a rock. For a minute, the three of us just crouched behind it. "Well, we'll just wait here," said Church eventually. "That things gotta run out of bullets some time." I frowned deeply. "You know, I'm still not happy about the teleporter thing. Are you absolutely certain that you're not a homophobe?" "Jesus Christ, White," Church groaned with annoyance. "This is not the time to discuss this!" "Well it's not like we're going anywhere, anyway," I commented wryly. Church frowned, "Fine, what the hell do you want from me?" "An apology would be nice," I suggested. Church gave me a flat look, before rolling his eyes. "Alright, Jesus, I'm sorry." "Thanks," I nodded, before smiling. "Just… don't force anyone else through the teleporter at gunpoint before I've had a chance to look at it, alright?" "Yeah, fine, whatever," Church groaned. "I'm just glad it wasn't me," Tucker grumbled suddenly, reminding us of where we were. "That black armor does looks kind of cool, though. Do you think mine would turn black like that if I went through the teleporter?" “Probably,” I sighed, and we fell into a tense silence, listening to the sound of the machine gun fire. “My God, doesn’t that thing ever run out of bullets?” Church asked with annoyance several minutes later. “You know, in hindsight we should have brought the tank,” Tucker mused offhandedly. “Hey, Tucker... what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody knows how to drive the damn thing?” asked Church curiously. “Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy,” Tucker replied sarcastically. “Well, yeah, but… oh, man,” Church groaned. “I guess I gotta give that one to you.” “Hey, Church, if you give me your sniper rifle, maybe I can get a shot on one of those Reds,” I offered. “Oh, don’t you start!” Church barked hotly, turning towards me. “I’m not giving anyone my sniper rifle!” “Well, yeah, but it seems like you’re really bad at aiming with that thing,” I replied in a sincere tone. “Wouldn’t it be better in the hands of someone who actually knows how to use it?” “Yeah, I agree with the rookie on this one,” Tucker commented wryly. “Both of you, shut up,” Church growled angrily. “I don’t care how many insults you make, I’m not giving anyone my sniper rifle.” “Ok… wait, do you hear something?” I asked, perking my head as if to listen to something. “Um… no?” Tucker replied curiously. “Exactly, there’s no machine gun fire,” I commented excitedly. “They’ve stopped shooting at us!” “Oh, right,” Tucker nodded, before turning to peek around the rock. “Wait, were did the Reds go?” “What, the Reds are gone?” asked Church, who also peeked around the rock. “Wow, yeah,” I said, standing up to look over the rock. “Hey, why don’t we go get the Jeep? We can use it to get back to base before they… do whatever they’re doing.” “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Go for it,” Tucker replied with a dubious tone. “Me? By we I mean you… asshole,” I replied with annoyance. “White, don’t be stupid, they’re just trying to draw us out,” Church replied cautiously. “No, they’re not!” I contended, pointing my gun at the Jeep. “Look, they left, there’s no one around the Jeep.” “Well, I don’t know about this,” Church frowned, looking at the Jeep dubiously. “It seems pretty fishy, but... all right, screw it. Let’s go get it.” “Ok then,” I nodded, turning to Tucker. “Tucker, you can stay here and give us covering fire if we need it.” “Better you than me,” Tucker remarked dubiously. “Dick head,” I muttered as we started running down the cliff, but when we got within 3 meters of the Jeep, it blew up. “Son of a bitch!” Church and I both yelled, turning right around and running right back to the safety of the rock. “Hey, guys! The Jeep blew up!” Tucker remarked loudly when we arrived. “Yeah, no fucking shit, Tucker!” I deadpanned. “No kidding! Thanks for the update, dumbass!” Church barked angrily. Damn, I had completely forgotten that the jeep had blown up in the original story. Where there other things I had forgotten? I made a mental note to take some time off later and try to remember what had happened in the original story so I wouldn’t be surprised like this again. While I’d been thinking, Church had walked up pass Tucker and towards the edge of the cliff. “Hey, Tucker, White! Look at this, man! It’s the other rookie, and he brought out the tank to scare off the Reds!” “What?! No way!” Tucker exclaimed in shock. “Maybe Caboose is smarter than we thought!” I commented loudly in a stage whisper. “Yeah, I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” Church remarked sarcastically, before shouting out across the box canyon. “Hey Rookie! Good Job, man! Why didn’t you tell us you knew how to drive the tank!?” Distantly, I heard a feminine voice that I identified at Sheila say: “New target acquired.” Then I heard Caboose say: “That’s not a target, that’s Church!” Oh, right, this was the point where Church supposedly died, right? I briefly considered saving him, before deciding against it. It would probably be a lot harder to prove that he was an AI if he was still in a biological body. “Yeah, that’s right!” Church yelled down to Caboose. “It’s me, Church! What’s going on, man?” “Target locked.” said Sheila robotically. “What? No! Go back! Target unlock, unlock! Please help me, nice lady!” Caboose babbled with fear. “Firing main cannon,” said Sheila. “What?” Church exclaimed with shock as he looked down the cannon on the tank. “Oh, son of a bi–” Then Church blew up in a blaze of fire. “Holy Fuck! Church, are you ok?” Tucker exclaimed with shock, peering down at Church’s body. “Talk to me! Church.” “Yeah, I think he’s dead, Tucker,” I admitted apologetically. “You killed Church, you team-killing fucktard!” Tucker shouted down at Caboose. “Tucker,” I heard Church say weakly a moment later. “Tucker...” “Oh, he’s alive,” I responded bemusedly. “Church! It’s gonna be ok, man,” Tucker replied with relief, bending down to poke at him. “No… aah. I’m – I’m not gonna make it,” Church replied painfully. “Tucker, there’s something I need to tell you.” “What is it?” asked Tucker. “I just want you to know… I always hated you. I always hated you the most.” Church confessed softly. “Yeah, I know you did,” Tucker replied with aggravation. “Now hurry up and die, prick.” “Ok – Hurk… blah,” and then Church was dead. “Man, what an asshole,” I commented, staring down at him. While this had been happening, Sheila had locked on another target, and was now firing at Red Base. Tucker was quiet for a moment after Church’s final confession, before turning to me. “We should go help Caboose.” “You can go do that, I’m gonna head back to base,” I replied, making to turn around. “You’re not coming with me?” asked Tucker with shock. “Hey, I’ve only been here for like… what is it, three hours?” I checked my clock. “Yeah, three hours, and in the short time I’ve been here, we lost our flag, lost a teammate, oh, and now our crazy tank is running rampant. So yeah, I’m heading back to base. You can deal with Caboose and the crazy run-away tank.” “Wow, has it really only been three hours?” asked Tucker in a daze. “It’s feels like it’s been a day, at least.” “Yeah, that’s how much shit we had to deal with,” I replied testily as I turned away from him. “And if this is the kind of shit you have to deal with on a regular basis, I want to be prepared. Also, I kind of need to clean my armor. You know, after that whole debacle with Church forcing me through the teleporter at gunpoint.” “I guess that makes sense,” said Tucker in an unsure tone. “See you later, then.” “Yeah, see you” I nodded, before making my way back to Blue Base. The top two levels of Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, otherwise known as blue base, was basically the roof were the teleporter was, and the flag room. Underneath the flag room was the four level complex where Blue team lived. I descended to the barracks, and chose an unoccupied room for myself. Getting my armor off with an armor rack, I took a quick shower, then spent the next half hour cleaning the armor. I then went to the armory and outfitted myself with an assault rifle, a shotgun, and some grenades, along with extra clips. Strangely enough, there weren’t any sniper rifles. After all this was done, I decided to properly inspect the base, and see all the facilities available. I found the kitchen, a small cafeteria, a rec room, and a room full of dumbbells and exercise racks. The kitchen was well stocked with food, and all of the water faucets work, pouring clean, fresh water, so that was good. I was careful to check the water storage tank, and it seemed pretty well stocked up. I made a mental note not to let Caboose anywhere near it. I also found a machine repair room, which was obviously meant for repairing our weapons and armor, but I noticed that there was a thin layer of dust on everything, so nobody had visited for a while, it seemed. It was there that I found a Matter Fabricator(often shortened to MatFab). A matfab was like a really advanced 3D printer, and you could make anything with it, other than food(you needed a special matfab for that). I didn’t really understand how matfabs worked, only that it had something to do with lasers. I checked the matfab resource storage, and noticed that we had plenty, enough to produce two sniper rifles, some ammo, and a computer mod I wanted for my suit. I set the matfab to produce the things I wanted, then I left. Production time would take 15 minutes, and as I left I set a timer in my HUD. I didn’t find anything else that was interesting in the base, other than a door that I couldn’t open. The door required special codes that I didn’t have, and I suspected that nobody other than Captain Flowers had them, and Captain Flowers was dead. When the timer was up, I went and grabbed my things from the matfab, left the computer mod in my room, and headed up to the roof, to see that Tex was there. It seemed that I had missed a lot in the short time I had been in the base. Tex was using Caboose as target practice, while Tucker was standing next to her, chatting her up. “Hey, who’s this guy?” I asked as I walked up to them. Tex immediately reacted, turning around on a dime and pointing her gun in my face. “Whoa, take it easy!” I responded, lifting my hands in placation. “Its ok, Tex, this is White. He’s on our team.” Tucker spoke up. Tex snorted and turned back to using Caboose as target practice. I looked at Tucker. “Tex? Who is he, when did he show up, and why?” “Well, we lost Church, so I called Blue Command and asked for reinforcements,” Tucker explained. “They sent him, he’s a freelancer.” “I see,” I replied, turning to look at Caboose. “Why did you let him use Caboose as target practice?” “It was him or me and I didn’t feel like eating a bullet sandwich,” Tucker shuddered. We walked up to Tex and stood on either side of her. Apparently Tucker had been explaining the situation in the canyon to her. “...That’s basically it, sir,” Tucker concluded. “They have five guys over there... and a big jeep.” “And your flag,” Tex grunted. “Right, that too,” Tucker nodded hesitantly. Tex threw a grenade. “Uh, hey, Tex?” Tucker inquired fearfully after it exploded. “I don’t know what it’s been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other Soldiers as target practice here.” “And you’re causing damage to the base too,” I added with a frown. “You do realize that we have to live here, right? It’s not like we can wash off bullet holes.” I turned to look at Caboose, who had a bunch of bullet holes around his frame in the crenelation. Tex was scary accurate with her gun. “I’m scared,” said Caboose in a weak voice. Tex ignored us, reloading her gun and turning around. Taking that as a hint that training was over, Caboose walked up to us from his spot next to the crenelation. “So… you’ve got the Special Forces black armor, I see,” Tucker commented. “Were you in the Special Forces at some point?” Tex continued to ignore us. It seemed like she was preparing for something, as she was checking her guns and gear. “Ok, so I guess...” Tucker began, but he stopped when Tex turned and ran off the base. “Oh ok, you gotta go? See you later!” “I don’t think he likes you guys much,” Caboose whispered to us. “Thanks,” we both replied sarcastically. We all ran up to the edge of the roof. “Where you going?” called Tucker. Tex turned around. “Red Base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back.” After that terse statement, he turned and left. “Oh, ok!” called Caboose. “We’ll just stay here and guard the… transporter.” “Shut up, Caboose,” I groaned. We watched as Tex walked off, and as she got closer to Red Base, she turned on her invisibility thing. “Hey, Tucker,” I said, pulling one of the sniper rifles from my back, and passing it to him. “Here you go.” “Oh, neat!” he said, and I could hear the excitement in his voice. “Where did you find it?” “There’s a matfab in the machine room,” I replied, pulling out my own sniper rifle and passing some ammo to him. “I made it.” “We have a machine room?” asked Tucker in confusion. “Whats a matfab?” asked Caboose at the same time. “Its short for Matter Fabricator,” I said to Caboose, before turning to Tucker. “Dude, you’ve been living here longer than me, how could you not know you had a machine room?” “I guess I never really thought of it,” said Tucker as he loaded his sniper rifle with ammo. Caboose also got out a sniper rifle, and as one, we lifted up our rifles to watch Tex beat up the Reds.