First of all, Homebrew Austin was awesome. Everyone was really cool and I think everyone involved had a fantastic time. I hosted a little 'Sloppy Joe's Bingo' Event in my hotel room with Ms. Floppy Disk Repairman, and it went pretty well. Boyfriend Material killed in their live show and we stayed for Good Morning From Hell on Sunday. They put on such a good show that I almost think they shouldn't release the VOD because it would set expectations too high. All of that said, I had a few Rooster-Piphanies over the weekend. I've never been someone that was super involved in the community. I was so lucky to hear from several people at Homebrew that they were *only* there because of my videos and they were super excited to meet me. A couple people even asked for my autographs, which hasn't happened since I was playing football in college. Anyway, back to my Rooster-Piphany. Rooster Teeth was always something that I held very privately. I was aware of it for a while and my best friend even shared with me for a few years at the beginning of my fandom before quickly falling off. I found so few fans over the years and all of my friends and coworkers were so out of the real of Rooster Teeth that it ended up being a sort of escape for me. It was a cast of people that no one else knew or cared about, but it was like a little party/group that only I knew. I'd watch a Funhaus video where they'd dog on Blaine, and it was funny because it was all connected to me. Almost like a Marvel crossover. All of this to say, I hit a point over the weekend at Homebrew where I realized that Rooster Teeth may be a very private thing to me. Something that I enjoy on my own and not necessarily around other people. Which, frankly, is bizarre to me. Rooster Teeth has always been about community and I have always been envious of the community that passion it has shown for the different properties. Still, after hanging out at the live performance day on Sunday, I just felt myself wanting to escape. Everyone was really nice to me and wanted to chat, but I just didn't enjoy it. The performances were fantastic and I couldn't get over whatever emotion I was feeling. Be it anxiety or something else. I know I can't feel alone with this though. I just don't know how well I vibe with the community. It's likely a 'me' problem, but I've always had problems vibing with online friends (in person and for long online). I've had several gaming sessions where I had played several rounds of games with a group and things were going great. They would want me to be apart of more gaming sessions and would be super accepting, but I'd make up an excuse to go to bed and then appear offline to all of them. I really hope that other people have had this problem connecting with people online. I'd love to know if it ever expanded to your in person interactions with online people. The first example I really remember was AH live. I bought tickets but I ended up not being able to get myself to go because I was so worried about the cringe I might encounter at the event itself. People yelling "Mark Nutt" or "Going Cakeless!" Both are totally understandable and fine, I just had such a visceral reaction to the thought of it. Why couldn't I just get over it and have a good time? It reached a head at the live event on Sunday for Homebrew. I was in line to chat with Chris and Blaine after their fantastic show. My fiance and I were like fifth in line. We suddenly realized that we had been in line for over 20 minutes. That meant that the people in front of us had each taken at least five minutes with the guys. I noticed the person in front of me was seemingly wanting to message them privately about some project. I had to reflect on where I was in that moment. My sister had made me a cool floppy disk with a sticker of my logo on it. My plan was to get all the former RT talent to sign it at Homebrew. Many of them had commented on my Youtube videos or on Tik Tok/Instagram, so I thought it would be cool to meet them in person to put my face to the name. But standing it line, it hit me like a truck that I was being exactly like all the people in front of me. Which wasn't inherently a bad thing, they were meeting talented people they had been watching for years, and wanted to express how excited they were to have the opportunity. Yet, I was stuck with the idea that I didn't want to seem like some random fan that was vying for their attention/hoping they remembered my small Youtube channel. We ended up having a brief interaction and even turned down a photo so they could get to the next people in line faster. After that, I saw that Ray had entered the venue. I thought, 'Oh, that's cool that he showed up.' and pointed him out to my non-fan fiance who was shocked to see him there. I didn't approach him because he was with his wife and sat towards the back of the show, seemingly not wanting to be bothered. I then went over to the bar to get another drink to try to get out of my own head. That's when I ran into a 'fan' of my Youtube channel who had been nothing but awesome and kind all weekend. He started chatting with me and he noticed Ray, and made beeline towards him to chat with him. Which, I want to be clear, I get. He was about ten years younger than me and I would have done the same exact thing in his position. But, in that moment, it was too much for me. I just felt like a fan, which should be completely okay, but it made me almost embarrassed. As if I was worried I would do something cringe like yell out, "I'm still in the air!" just to get a reaction out of everyone. I had to leave at that point. Despite the fact that I had only seen one show of the four scheduled. I just needed to get away and I still don't have a good idea why. I left the venue with my fiance and we had a lovely day at the hotel before packing up and heading home to South Austin at 11pm the day before checkout. In my most introspective moments, I think I draw my feelings back to college when I was playing football. I turned down several scholarships to be something called a preferred Walk-On at my dream school where most of my family attended. I was a 'star' in high school and mostly relied on grit and heart, because I certainly didn't have the size. I arrived at my dream school with "hoop dreams" of "Rudy" and just brute forcing my way into the starting lineup. My experiences were so awful and negative that I barely made it through the entire the season. The people I had idolized for my entire life were some of the worst people I ever had the misfortune of meeting. When I would meet fans, I would almost want to warn them how bad "we" were and I felt sick to be apart of it. When I finally quit, I remember wishing that I felt a sense of relief. But, in reality, I felt like I had just quit on one of the things I had been dreaming of for my entire life. My childhood best friend still reaches out to me from time to time to ask me why I "threw it all away." I have to imagine that the whole experience informed my feelings and anxiety of being around RT and its fans. So, my Rooster-Piphany? Rooster Teeth has always been really personal to me and I think it should stay that way. It got me through lower moments and enhanced happy moments in my life. No one else really got it, and that was okay. I spent 14 years wishing I was at the first RTX, only to realize that I would have felt the exact same way in 2011 as I did in 2025. I can't stress enough. This isn't some critique on RT fans, the community, or the people at Homebrew. Everyone was **so cool** and I had a blast meeting everyone. This was purely something personal that I experienced and came to grips with throughout the five days I was involved with Homebrew. That said, I'm going to hype the fuck out of this event and next year's event. The organizers and the fans did such an amazing job and they deserve all the recognition they can get. This has been a lot, I know. I doubt anyone is reading by this point. Basically, I had a lot of small losses this week. Some at work, some on YouTube, and others in my personal life. I'm trying to right the ship but I really wanted to have an opportunity to put some of my more personal feelings somewhere. I have a lot of video ideas in the hopper. Some are RT related and others aren't, and I hope my small audience enjoys both somewhat equally.