The last 2 years RT as sort of been on the backburner. I still watched the RT podcast every week. But everything else kind of just fell to the wayside. 

In mid October my girlfriend and I decided mutually to break up at the end of the year. We loved each other but we just didn't have overlapping interests and she was itching to move when I had just started my career.

The last 3 months have been bittersweet as we still enjoyed each others company until the end. The last month really just blew by and now here we are in the last few days.

We both went our separate ways for Christmas and were planning on spending one more day together.. (today) before she moved up North tomorrow morning.

A couple nights ago she called and asked if I could stay at my parents for one more night because she just couldn't say bye to me in person. It's one of the hardest things I've had to say yes to in awhile.

I keep going back and forth between moments when I see all the things being single will allow me to do. I can start writing again, I can catch up on all the shows I've put off for the last 2 years, I can focus on my YouTube channels again, take a shot at streaming, finish some games I've put on the back burner, hang out with friends more regularly, catch up on RT and AH videos, and so much else..

But then there are moments when I'm hit with the reality that I'm going to be going back home to an apartment almost empty with things, I'll be alone, I'll have to fall asleep without that warm body next to me, I have to deal with my bipolar depression episodes alone.

I'm someone who loves to be alone.. until I'm actually alone.

I know breakups are supposed to be hard, especially when it's a fist. But why does it need to be?

As I'm writing this I'm looking at all the pro's of being single will bring me. I actually got excited to revist the worlds I left behind in my word documents, To play games with friends again to do the things I like to do without worrying about making someone else miserable.

Yet the few things that I'll miss.. The things that trigger depression in me.. Those are the things that are going to stand out.. Those are the things that are going to make me to sad act on motivation.

So here's to starting my  New Years resolution a few days early.